When someone else speaks their truth and it hurts or makes me furious, I find it is time to go be alone. It is best not to react in front of that person, but to get by myself and then vent my feelings. After venting, I need to ask myself what I can learn from this experience. I can always learn something. God does not send me experiences, especially painful ones, unless I can learn from them. Sometimes the experience is only a marker to show me how much I have grown so that I can practice gratitude for prior lessons. Sometimes it is a warning to show me what could happen if I make certain choices in life. Sometimes, and I find these lessons the hardest, it is a mirror to show me something about myself of which I may not even be aware, which really wounds or infuriates me when I am on the receiving end. By being willing to look in this mirror, I will receive the most beneficial instruction because I can truly see where I need to grow the most.
These insights are my greatest life opportunities. I can choose to humbly accept them and work out a plan to improve myself or I can hide from them in fear. But letting fear win only hides these problems from myself. They remain glaringly obvious to everyone around me. I am finding it is far better to admit my issues and move forward than to hide from them and stagnate. Stagnation works like a log-jam. Everything builds up behind it until even the water cannot flow. It will eventually become a dam in my life, preventing anything from flowing forward or backward. Since a characteristic of life is change, building a dam is a form of spiritual death.
The good news is all death is but the changing point, not the ending point. The bad news is it is possible to get side-tracked or lost in a change-point for a long time. When something stagnates for long enough, it begins to rot and stink. When we stagnate, our lives begin to rot and stink. We become polluted, sick, dying.
Clearing the jam is the only way to renew ourselves. Fortunately, many have paved the way through this dam before us and we can walk in their footsteps. We are never alone on our journey. While each path is individual, all paths are made of experiences we share in common with our fellow humanity. There is no single way to clear this jam. It is up to each of us to find our own best way that works for us. I have heard some say we need to confront the past. Some say going over the past just reinforces it. I think it depends on the person and the issues. Whatever gets you moving forward, free of burdens, is right for you. I have struggled a long time with this issue personally and have found, for me, it is usually a matter of learning to love myself more. The more I love myself, the more I seem able to inherently make the right decisions for myself and the more free I become of the past. The more I love myself now; the less the past matters. The more I love myself; the higher my self-esteem. The higher my self-esteem; the easier it is to examine myself for things I may want to change, or release comments that might hurt me or make me angry because I have examined them and determined they just don’t apply. When that happens, my next question is am I sending signals I don’t want to send or is this person’s judgement just way off-base in this circumstance? Loving myself helps me realize that it isn’t always me! It also helps me forgive someone else when they are wrong. Including myself. So, how do I learn to truly love myself?
That, my friends, is another post. But first I would really like to hear from you. How do you build a loving relationship with yourself? I am looking forward to reading all of your responses!
- It’s All Good! in my Sunny Yellow Crystal (jodiebethinhercrystalroom.com)
- Crystal-Clear or How I Lost Weight from the Inside-Out (jodiebethinhercrystalroom.com)
- Reflection for Today…Liberation From Ignorance (mysoulsonice.wordpress.com)
- Love Your Enemies, As They Serve You Well (waverider1.wordpress.com)