Sitting in my Crystal Room, I gaze about me trying to focus. Sometimes it seems that the world can skew my inner vision more than my outer. My “Spirit Vision” becomes blurry and I forget exactly what I am. Spending time in my Crystal Room helps me remember. I find a clear crystal and as I gaze into it, my reflection gazes back at me. But this is not the ordinary reflection I see in my bathroom mirror: the reflection colored often by my own insecurities and the lies I tell myself when I view the world with my pessimistic lenses over my eyes. No, this reflection is true, eternal, and an accurate view of who I was created to be: who God sees when He looks at me.
I am a breathtaking creature of Light! Being created in the image of God, being filled with His Spirit, I possess all the qualities of my Creator, just as Christ does. I am Divine Love, Divine Joy, Divine Peace. I am kindness, patience, understanding, wisdom. I am good. My unique personality is filled with the many gifts God placed within me. To deny these gifts as I often did in the past, is to deny God. Scripture tells me God places gifts in all his children. Including me. To refuse to acknowledge my gifts is to refuse to be who I am. My light cannot shine if I continue to cover it in shame or false modesty. God is so generous. He has blessed me so richly with such amazing and wonderful gifts. How can I use them for the good of mankind if I won’t allow myself to even acknowledge I have them in some misguided notion of false modesty?
When I study the scriptures and other holy texts, I can search and get an accurate picture of just who God sees when He looks at me. The bible tells me I am the apple of God’s eye, God’s jewel, the fragrance of Christ. I am His special treasure, a crown of glory, a Prince’s daughter, Christ’s ambassador, a royal priest, more than a conqueror. I have eyes like doves, enchanting tresses, am fair as the moon and clear as the sun. I am a new creation, the beloved, a garden enclosed. I am the perfection of beauty!
Yeah. I especially like that last one too. Wow. That is exactly how God sees each and every one of us. And not only is this how I should view myself, it is how I should view others. It is how we should view one another. Look at the people around you. Look at your loved ones. Look at the ones you struggle to love. Look at the ones you struggle not to hate and the ones you are secretly or unashamedly glad to hate. Now realize that they are the perfection of beauty to God. The apple of His eye. A royal priest. Can we shave away all the junk and gunk from this world, clear away all that occludes their inner, hidden light to see that reality of what God made them to be? God will give us those innocent dove-eyes to do so. When we can look in the mirror and recognize the crystal-clear reality of who we, ourselves, are, we can begin to let go of others. Let them walk their path without our input or judgement. God is taking care of that stuff. And let’s face it: it is going to take all our energy to be our own lover. Yes. You read that right. We need to be the lover we dream of someone else being– to ourselves! We need to value, appreciate, nurture, and care for ourselves as we wish someone else would do. That is truly loving ourselves. And who better to love me than me? I know my innermost needs and wants as no one else ever will. Who better to love you than you? When we can meet our own needs we no longer pressure others to do so and they are then free to be themselves. Then we can truly learn to love and appreciate them for exactly who God made them to be instead of who we need them to be. It is ageless wisdom that tells us that we can never truly love another until we have learned to love ourselves. Unloved, we become desperate to find someone to meet our needs, constantly pressuring others to conform to our idea of who they should be. Constantly demanding that they give to us what we should be giving to ourselves. How did our vision ever become so skewed as to think it is wrong to care for our own needs?
Learning who and what I am, knowing what sustains me, fulfills me, delights me, fills me with joy–and nurturing myself in a healthy, happy fashion sheds the weight from my soul. As I have allowed myself to love myself–I find my appetites and cravings have changed. I no longer cram myself with senseless, unneeded excesses. I don’t have to stuff myself with addictive properties like food, sex, alcohol–whatever. There is no longer an empty gnawing space driving me to shove anything into it just to fill it. The sheer weight of that empty space was such a burden! The only thing big enough,sufficient enough to fill it once and for all is love. Real unconditional love that only I can truly show myself. When I filled that space up properly, I sealed that gaping hole and the weight dropped from my soul. Then it ironically dropped from my body, too. I have lost over 160 pounds in the last year. I believe I have been on just about every diet known to man. I can look at a plate and calculate the calories, diabetic exchanges, grams of protein, carbs, fat, etc. I know about brown fat and yellow fat and resting metabolism and cardiac exercise and toning exercise. I have even had a gastric bypass. Nothing worked. Now, when I finally accepted the outside and turned my attention inward, I discovered my outside was only a reflection of the weight I had been carrying around in my soul. I have discovered that, for me, the key was to lose weight from the inside out.
I have also discovered that the more I learn to love myself, the more I become the person I have always truly wanted to be. And guess what?? Turns out that the person I have really always wanted to be is pretty much the person I have always been underneath the dirt and garbage of this world all along. My true inner being of light. I am the perfection of beauty! And so are you. If you don’t know that yet, it is time for you to spend some time in your own crystal room gazing into a clear crystal until your own image becomes crystal-clear. Look in that mirror until you see the perfection of beauty, then turn those dove-eyes out upon a whole new world!